You see, in the past, I’ve always been able to do what I want. I could work two jobs at once or I could work all day and go out with my friends most of the night. My first husband had no problem letting me work two jobs while he piddled away at one dead-end job. But at the time, I had no problem working two jobs. I was fully able. It’s not really a money issue but most people equal self sufficient with money…ability to support yourself or pay for vacation or at least buy your own dinner. For me, it’s about feeling like I’m contributing to something.
Right now, I can’t do any of that and it makes me feel useless and worthless. Some days I have trouble getting out of bed and sitting in a chair.
People ask me all the time if I’ve applied for disability benefits as if that’s the answer for all my problems. But it really isn’t. I would have money given to me – but not much. But I still have that feeling of accomplishing nothing. That’s worse than not completing a task because with that at least you began something.
Sometimes I think, “Well, I still have my brain!” But people in my life are so accustomed to helping me with everything else that they don’t want me to strain my noodle too.
I would prefer my husband ask me how to do our laundry but he asks everybody but me. The same with cooking and grocery-shopping…I just don’t understand.
I just want to feel like I’m worthy of contributing something.
I’ve tried to think of ways to combat these ill-feelings. I wanted to volunteer at the hospital. But here’s the thing: they work on a schedule too and I may not feel the same every week on Thursday between 2 and 6. So volunteering is out of the question. So is working in the church nursery or participating in civic organizations.
This is when I begin to feel really low and realize I just don’t have a lot of options left. My “family” tries to make me feel better but sometimes good intentions are the worst kind. Sometimes the only thing I can do is purge it from my system with a good cry.
Here are some facts about letting loose with the water works:
1) Tears help you see better – Even when you are not crying, tears flow from your lacrimal glands with every blink, moistening your eyes. This moisture - made of water, oil, and mucus - helps to maintain healthy vision. Tears clear your eyes of debris and allow light to enter your eyes so you can see.
2) A good cry will help you feel better – Crying is often called "cathartic," a release of pent-up emotions and tensions. But how we really feel after crying may depend on the circumstances and context of your crying – the "when," "where," and "with whom" you cry. In an international study including over 5,000 men and women, certain "good" and "bad" cry patterns emerged. Criers who got support from those around them were more likely to feel better post-sob. Criers got a boost from bawling if they came to a realization, new understanding, or resolution regarding the thing that made them cry.
3) A bad cry may make you feel worse – Participants in the study mentioned above who suppressed their crying or felt shame as they cried reported that they did not feel as good afterward. A different, smaller study found that crying can be the opposite of cathartic for those with certain depressive symptoms. Those with an inability to experience pleasure did not take pleasure from crying - in fact, they felt worse after they cried than they felt before. The same results applied to those who were out of touch with or unable to express their emotions.
4) Some people are more prone to cry than others – The smaller study mentioned above uncovered another pattern about crying. If you are quite empathetic to the suffering of others, you may cry more frequently than the harder-hearted. People who are anxious or neurotic cry both more frequently and more easily than others. And extraverts tend to cry more often during negative situations and are less likely to cry "happy tears."
5) Crying can be gender specific – On average, women cry as much as 47 times a year while men only seven times a year. This is caused partly because the tear ducts smaller men than women. While the old cries of normal infants between one and three hours each day.
Go ahead, go get a tissue and let it all out.
Until next time.
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